Explain Writing Making.

In our  Tautoro School  we have so many new students who have enrolled  in our school. Because of the new enrollments every time we have a  powhiri or assembly we always get squashed, and we feel really uncomfortable. So the facility that is needed in Tautoro School  is a new hall. Why do we need a hall? First a  hall is needed by Tautoro School because when we have new students enrolling in our school, every new child needs  a powhiri. There are more students enrolling into our school every week and we are feeling really squashed in our small library.  If we had a hall our manuhiri would feel more comfortable and they would be able to shake everybody's hands without pushing past students and then they would feel very welcomed, comfortable and feel more relaxed.  Secondly: if we had a community hall we would also be able to play sports inside.   If it was raining or if it became too hot. Then we wouldn't be missing out on our fitness and fitness  makes you feel good and it exercises your brain. And this would help students to concentrate more in class. Another reason why we need a hall is so that we could get a kitchen built in the hall then we would be able to have technology at our school instead of travelling to town to use another school's kitchen.  We would be able to learn how to cook and bake and then we would be able to help our whanau cook and bake at home. Last of all we need  a hall because our community would be able to use the hall in the weekend which will bring  all our local communities together for meetings or gala days. In conclusion, I strongly believe we need a community hall at our school because our  Tautoro school community is growing every week with new students enrolling into our school. It is important  that we have a new hall so that we won't be squashed and then we would feel comfortable and then we would listen better because we would all feel relaxed. If we don't have a hall we will always feel squashed and we will not have enough room in our teeny library for new students.

                                 Score     Reasons why you have given this mark

Ideas	4	You have lots of ideas that connect to the topic with some extra information.
Structure Language	3	You have some structure for the of writing.
Organisation	4	You put my ideas in groups and in order.
Vocabulary	3	You can write a lot of simple words and some extra words to add detail.
Sentence Structure	3	You are beginning to write sentences of different lengths.
Punctuation	3	You are beginning to use different types of sentences.
Spelling	5	You spell the majority of Essential list words correctly.
Total	25	3b