WALT use the correct structure for recount Success Criteria:
- I will have a title
- I will have an orientation (who what where when how)
- I will use sequence words(first next after then finally)
- I talked about how i felt
29.4.19
Holiday with my family
On Saturday my family and I were getting ready to go to Hamilton. We woke up at 4.43 to get ready. I was so tired when I woke up to get ready to go to Walkworth.
First we left our house at 6.30 We were going to
visit my Mum,Dad,Brothers and Sister.
My family and I were so excited.
At 9.00 we stopped to have something to
eat, then my papa said “who needs to go toilet” I said “not me”, Then I saw my Dad and my sister, in Warkworth we got out our bags in the van and put them in my Dad’s car. After that then we said goodbye Nan and Poppies.
Next we stopped at Countdown in Auckland, then we made it to Hamilton. I got out of the car then we went inside and I said hi everyone we”re here.
After I said to my Dad can we go to the BMX track please he said “yes”.
Then I went on the PS4 I was playing fortnite and Black ops 4, it was fun playing the games. Then my Dad said do you want to go now then I said “coming” then we made it to the BMX track, when I first got on the BMX track I had butterflies but I was excited at the sack sametime.
Then after that my Dad was videoing me going on the track. Finally we went home to have lunch then dinner after dinner I went back on the PS4, then I went to bed at 2.50, I felt tired so I went to sleep, I said it has been a fun day today.
hi zyon
ReplyDeleteHi Zion my name is Tu Pakari I am a year 6, I go to Kawakawa Primary School and I am 10 years old. I really like your writing what you did in the holiday it sounds really fun. I heard you went to Hamilton my brother's go to Hamilton boys high I really miss them but I'm going to see them anyways. You went bike riding too that sounds really fun and in your writing it says that you were playing Fortnite I can only play Fortnite in Auckland because I don't have a PS4 and I don't really like Fortnite anymore but your writing looks so much fun what you wrote.
ReplyDeleteGuten Tag Zion, my name is Mase from Kawakawa Primary. I enjoy this post about your holiday, perfect millennial holiday full of gaming and going to a biking park. I don't really visit Hamilton too often, sounds quite fun in some areas around there. Although, maybe you could be able to make the writing fit on the page a bit more? Quite a lot of it is stretching across the page and it would be more easier to read if it fit. Overall, despite that one flaw, this is a cool piece of writing, especially that your putting effort towards your curriculum standards. Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll blog ya later.
ReplyDeletePS: Here's my blog: http://kpsmasev.blogspot.co.nz
Hi Zion
ReplyDeleteMy name is Milan and I am a student in Room 4 at Tautoro School. I am 7 years old.
I really like your story about with my family.
I liked your work because your story is so long. I can not do a very big story like that but I am learning to write more.
Blog ya later.